All ready to meet the sandman

So, after all that unnecessary angst I have bought the tickets and I bought 2 extra tickets just in case friends of friends would like to join us. I am not too worried about not selling them as I think I would be able to sell them before the event. Worse come to worse I’ll just sell it for cheaps at the door 🙂

Listening to Mia singing ‘superman’ a nice song to wind down before I head off to bed. I often smile when I hear Mia on the radio or watch her on the tv.  I remembered when we were both alone at church; she sitting on the pew in front of me, always alone. I remember the time when both of us were debating against each other in high school competitions, choirs and events. She was always much better at it, she excelled during competitions and made a name for herself in the music industry.

We rarely greeted each other when we saw each other in the street or at school events. She made an impression on me when I first saw her smile when she was 12 years old. She didn’t have any friends and always seemed alone like me. I think her barely there existence during my teenage years was a comfort. I thought to myself here was someone  who was not afraid to be themselves and was not afraid to be alone.

When I was a teenager I didn’t know what I liked or wanted to do. All the competitions I joined were just testing grounds for me to find who I am. I didn’t realise then that my quest to find myself was a journey everyone takes and it doesn’t end until we take our last breath. Only now at the grand young age of 25 do I realize that humans change all the time. It’s not as easy dividing it into black and white, good or bad. We adapt to situations and we change for the good and bad. Never constant, ever changing.

I admired Mia when I was a teenager and I was envious of her achievements. I felt that it was unfair how some people realise early in life what they were meant to do, their calling in life so to speak. They had a head start on life and I felt left behind. But now after much thought I am happy for all that she has managed to do in her life. I feel that I too can do it.  The envy is still there but instead of letting it get me down I use it as motivation to pick myself up to try and try again.

I do not want to be the character in my life story who wears sadness on her face, even when smiling the hint of sorrow shows. I want to be character that even though she had lived a short life, she crammed as much as she could into it. There would be pride, joy, laughter, boastfulness, sorrow, pain, pity, compassion, ebullience, tears,thunderous applause, throwing of stones, love and all the emotions one feels as a human being.

Once I have asked of  you this and I ask you again to hold my hand as we go forth.

Till Then.

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