Here I am again, I find myself back here at the crossroads more often these days. Sometimes I end up walking in a circle and come back to the same crossroad that I thought I had already put behind me. Another hard decision made, move forward and not looking back. With this in mind why am I back to where I started? The struggle and doubts set in again and the same old feeling of insecurity and fear comes back to plague me. When I first started out I was full of enthusiasm with a can do attitude. I welcomed whatever obstacles came my way naively thinking that once I passed that hurdle I would not have to go through it again.
No one told me that in life one will have to go through the same hurdle over and over again. Overcoming the same obstacles and coming out unscathed and unchanged is impossible. Day passes and my body that was once standing tall and proud is now hunched and bruised. The enthuasism is gone and replace with a weary resignation th at today once again is an uphill battle. A whispered “Here I go again”. What keeps me going is the euphoria and joy that fill me once I have chosen my destination, strive forward and for a brief moment I am on top of the hill with nary a care in the world. That one moment is addictive and once again I make the hard decision when I am here at the cross road once again.
I thought to mention this in case you too set off on a journey to find yourself. You will have to bear guilty feelings for wanting to do something for yourself for once and proclaim yourself selfish to ensure that whatever happens you are always moving forward even when you find yourself back to square one and trying to find which road to choose. In circles you may go but like every maze there is an exit, one just has to find it no matter how long it takes. So I push my weary body onward and once again pick the road that is less traveled at least I know where not to go lest I find myself back on the same crossroads again.