I had quite a surprise when I posted this photo on Facebook. I got a lot of positive comments which was big surprise. Honest! I thought I always looked like this when I make an attempt to polish up? Which got me thinking (oh no, here she goes again with her ‘thinking’) I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but if it turns out that way then so be it.
I think I am a pretty girl.
There I said it. Might I add with no hint of humility or shame.
Not beautiful, not ugly but pretty.
I can doll up like the best of em albeit with a more plump body. I always thought I was one of those natural beauties. Not classically beautiful but just enough to with the right angle make people turn back to take a second look. I know my strength and weaknesses. I know which areas that I need to highlight and work on. Long story cut short I thought I was pretty enough to be a natural beauty. Well, ever since I posted a photo of myself all dolled up that assumption I have has been blown sky high out of the water. A lot of people liked my ‘new’ look and although I was flattered I was also feeling very curiously deflated.
Am I only pretty when I put a lot of makeup on? The false eye lashes, fake contact lens, foundation, concealer, bronzer, blush, highlighter, eye shadow, lip liner, lipstick, gloss, a lot of wax in the hair that has been blow dried to bits and good angle to take a photo. If I had an ego then by george, it’s gone now. What I thought set me apart from the rest has only shown that all of that was only in my head and like everyone else, I am just a number. Which got me thinking, how do I differentiate myself from all the other pretty lasses? So what happens when I get the body I want (painful session at Bikram yoga and gym has set me on the right path) then what next? Do I create a personality? What the heck does that mean??? I still have not given up on this path that I have set myself up and I don’t think I ever will. But the photo incident has taught me that whatever preconceived notions you have of yourself it is most likely wrong. It takes a small matter of makeup and a good angle to change the way you look at yourself and the way you look at people.
I remember my mum telling me once when I was 19 years old. I didn’t like to dress (still don’t) and wearing make up was a chore (still is). She said “God can only help you so much with what he gives us. The rest is our own responsibility and we have to make the best of it and not squander it”. Back then I scoffed at her thinking what did she know! I won a beauty pageant so that should mean I’m good looking right? Good looking enough to not need to make an effort when I go out. Right?
Note to self, always listen to mum, she’s lived longer and would know better.
Oh well, I only give myself to 5 seconds to feel sorry for myself after that I force myself to move on and try to get myself out of the hole I dug. So weird right? People give me a compliment and instead of just taking it as my due I get all self conscious and defensive. I’m an alien. Someone needs to write a book titled “how to take a compliment and not act like an idiot”.
Anyhoo, I took the photo to join this contest: CAM QUEEN OF THE YEAR
I wanted to let you girls know! Who knows you might win S$5000 and if you do don’t forget who referred you! I take 20% commission J
Here is my photo for the competition. The only photoshopping I did was to make the pictures brighter and cropping them to size.
Makeup is magical. Like 8 glasses of beer.